if any of this was real

if any of this was real.
___________________

I tell myself that it was
all a dream..

The Letters?, (and your
smile) mere figments
of my imagination.

(ghosts who live and
Die Repeatedly in My
Head.)

The smell of perfume
lingering in the room
is nothing..

You were never Here..
never "real".

Every glorious touch was
but a longing fabrication of
my saddened senses..

seeking what cannot..
( or "could not") Be.
_

This Nightmare quickens
upon my awakening..
when I see the dented
pillow where I imagine
your head once laid..

and that simple sight
triggers memories stronger
than photography..

but colder now than a
dead mans laugh!...

because it all comes
back to me..

(and I realize I have
"imagined" you gone.)
_

I rant away in my isolation..

A Solitary Voice bouncing
hysterically off hateful, gray
walls that seem to mock
me with their grim indifference..

no tears, pleas..nor petty
midnight terrors can effect
them..

because they've truly "seen
it all"..

watched The Devil repent..

as Angels lost their faith..

(or Chose to Fall.)

and Phantoms chased children
down dusty, poor-lit halls!

This is Hell..I Imagine..

but I cannot imagine it getting
any better..

for There is No Imagining
Hope..

and Hope I'm afraid.. is The
Greatest Pretender!

now Phantom..

Fiend!

(Or Wraith.)
_

I tell myself to wake
up..

but I simply awaken
into another nightmare..

A Solitary Head Drowning
in the Sweet Stench of Ghostly
Perfume..that I imagine you
would have worn.

(if any of this was
Real.)

j.stephen.h.












J.Stephen.H.